Life Misled- Corporate Attitude

So, last night I had sex with the girlfriend for the first time and shit was a long time coming. Anyway, I have this condom thing where I only wear them with hookers, so I need to be dating chicks that are on birth control. Anyway, we’re fuckin’ and I’m realizing that eventually I’m going to need to bust and I have no idea if I should be letting her know or whatever the fuck…

So, eventually I bring it up and ask her mid-hump and she’s all “you can cum on me” like she’s doin’ me some kind of favor by making me pull some sort of superman maneuver in the the half-second window before I cum with her on top. So, I called it and she got off me and watched me jerk off on myself. I feel like I could’ve done that shit without her, so maybe next time I will…

Anyway, given that my bedside manner is pretty impeccable, I asked if she had a problem with dudes blowing loads in her pussy like she was some kind of slampig and she said yes ’cause she was worried about gettin’ pregnant. I decided not to argue ’cause I didn’t want to look like the douchebag that was pressuring her into having his kid at 22 ’cause secretly that’s what I want…

I guess the safety net of 99.9% effectiveness isn’t enough for some. There always those people that will argue the .1% but statistics and common sense will tell you that the .1% is for those idiots that blackout some night and forget about a pill or for those lazy, fat cunts who think taking five pills for the five they missed that month will make up for it… I guess it doesn’t matter what I think though, ’cause ultimately I’m just going to have to get used to impersonally shooting my load on myself and going to bed in it ’cause I’m too lazy to give a fuck.

Speaking of too lazy to give a fuck… Pamela Anderson seems to be going everywhere lately sporting her nipples like a stuffed bear she won at a carnival or some shit… Thing is those nipples are off-center and they’re kinda scary ’cause they show through her undergarments and whatever she throws their way.

Maybe bitch just gets hard nipples supporting causes like the Peta way. She’s clearly pretty turned on holding up some promo pictures of a mutilated lab rabbit and signing autographs of other mutilated animals for the cause- like slaughtering them for delicacy meals at pretentious, high-class, over-priced restaurants is much more ethical. Personally, I was never much for the hippie, save-the-animals type, but whatever floats your fuckin’ boat. So long as she isn’t disillusioned, thinking that her tits are changing the world…

Here are some pictures of Pamela Anderson’s nipples for charity ’cause if there were ever a good reason, I guess this would be it…